Just Passing By
by Eternal Musing
Summary: [ONE SHOT] TxS As Tomoyo prepares to leave, she takes a last visit to Sakura's house. There the past, present and future are all joined as one she was given the final chance to tell of her secret to Sakura.


Came of from a half asleep musing of mine, took me a month before I actually bothered writing it. Not exactly a paring, more like an implication of the two.

* * *

Just Passing By

Golden sunlight flooded the room; life, amber and fair beamed down upon the floor, embracing the rumpled bed and dyeing glass window orange. There was no one here, not one single life, no one but me.

I wanted to come when you were not here; I wanted to come so that you would not meet me. I did not want to this was too dangerous, but the chance to see the house where you lived was too great a temptation. It was too great a temptation, because, I know this time will be the very last chance I would ever have to come here again. Soon I would be gone, to you I had already left, but in truth I was still here. But soon, so now I cherish every second here in your room.

So many years, and yet your décor had not changed a bit. Your desk was still there, and I am willing to bet that Kero's miniature bed was still inside the lower drawer. You were always the tidy one, and even in such a time you still did not forget to stow away your clothing, but I suppose the bed was too much to ask. The wardrobe was open, and I lingered there for some time. Your favorite battle costumes hanged there; dresses, skirts, trench coats, every one that I designed and made. I wonder if these touchable memories of the old still fit you. It had been so long since we have talked together.

Move smoothly across the room, my steps stopped once again as another of your possessions caught and held my gaze. I remembered how you loved to collect stuffed toys, and would be especially happy if someone gave you a stuffed rabbit or teddy for birthday. The collection had grown since I last been here, and many of the old toys I remembered were all gone. But one remained, and that one was embedded deeply in my mind ever since our last meeting. I am glad that you kept it; after all, it was from me. That little doll sat there quietly; chestnut brown hair peeking out behind a ribboned hat of pastel pink, flopping before large eyes of emerald. The rose cloak and ruby dress were worn from the years, but still clean and in great shape. You must have taken great care of it, it being from your best friend. But I do not think that you would ever know what this doll really meant to me. I wanted to make the perfect image of you, the faultless image that will be unmarred by time, to last for years later when both you and I were old and toothless. I wanted to turn my perfect picture from an idea in my mind to something in reality, to have created by myself and given as a gift to you... to have told you all of my dreams and thoughts to you... But you never did realize.

Passing down to your desk, my fingers brushed the photo frames placed on your desk. So many pictures, so many memories. I regretted now, not having given you my tapes of your battles. You would really have loved them... Those battles, they were so perfect. To see you battling in my costumes, fighting against the stray elements. You never did understand why I always wanted to make you the costumes, why even the imperfection of one stitch was not allowed. After all, it was you who would wear it, and I did not want to see you marred by my imperfections. And just to see you, having the slightest advantage because of my costume; I could never forget how you thanked me later for them.

It has been so long since the last time we met. What had happened? I still can not understand why we drifted apart. I just remember that we started to meet less and less, and then the phone calls shortened slowly, until our lives finally untwined from each other's. I know it's partly my fault. After my business started, no longer did I have time to visit you. But that wasn't the whole reason. I'm shamed to admit that your presence vanished from my mind after my business begun, and soon I had forgot about all the promises we had made to each other before I departed. Then you had Syaoran to keep you busy... I suppose we both had a lot on our plates back then.

The door below slammed shut, followed by pounding footsteps as someone ran up the stairs. Pulling back into a shadowy corner, I hid just in time as the bedroom door opened and someone pushed in. Seeing you, my heart broke when I saw your beautiful face marred with tears. You sat there, on the bed, arms round you knees and head bowed as you cried. Your eyes, the brilliant jaded orbs now faded with pain, pain that I've caused you. I have hurt you; I have marred your pure soul with sadness and regret. But most of all, I have caused you to be like this; I have caused you to cry. "It's not fair! Why her of all the people? She was my best friend... Why did you leave Tomoyo? I need you..."

The words reached my ears, and my eyes closed in agonizing sorrow. I could change it now, could just walk up and embrace her now, and could just tell her what I've wanted to tell her for all the years we've been together. No longer would I have to carry the secret in my heart, no longer would she see me simply as a best friend. My hand reached out to her, but I pulled back immediately. No, I was being selfish. How could I even think of doing that? It would only bring her more sorrow if she knew I was still here but was to leave soon. And if I told her of the secret, I would only be harming her with the truth of the matter. If I told her, then she would have to carry the burden for the rest of her life. No, I could not do that, would not pain her more for my own selfish reasons. And besides, she has Syaoran now, and from what I have seen I know that he loved her dearly, almost as much as I do. If that is so, then I knew that she was in safe hands.

So I stood there, I the dark corner, yearning with all my soul to comfort you and yet could not. I stood there, for how long I did not know, watching as your tears gradually slowed until finally, your beautiful emerald optics closed in slumber. Only when I made sure that your mind no long dwelt in this world did I step out from my hiding place, walking softly up to your still form. The night was almost upon us and as the final ray of the sun glides across the room, I look down at you, and I smiled. No, I shall never leave you, not really. Not if you would still remember me. My fingers hovered over your silky hair, the fawn strands shining with coppery fire as the dying sunlight embraces you. With a last whispering farewell, I left your side.

Outside, it was chilly. The first day of autumn had arrived early, and those walking down the streets would occasionally shiver against the dry breeze. Shaking dark strands out of my eyes, I continued to move on, down the street, down the path, and finally turning up a walkway. As I moved up the stairs, the scene before me blurred and shifted. Before my eyes now stretched out a world of white; frosted snow clinging to everything before me. Walking up, my feet crunched gently against the soft snow. As I moved down the white covered path before me, I looked up beside me. Sakura trees lined both sides of the walkway, their great trunks reaching up at the eternal dawn before me. If one looks closely, they would see the tiniest hint of life upon those frozen branches, the faintest glimmer of pale green leaf buds accompanied with the smudge of pink sakura flowers. The trees were sleeping, for this eternal winter would only end when I reach the end of this infinite path. And when I do, I would see you once again. And you would be smiling with simple happiness, your eyes shining with joy once more. And I would smile back and wave, and walk up to join you. And when I do, when I stand beside you once again the sun would rise. And as I call out your name, the leaves would unfurl and the bright sky filled with sakura petals, and spring would come to us once again.


End file.
